Time flies, at the dawn of a new year, Christiana is approaching 1 year old. In the 1 year, i had the faintest clue how has time passed me by like a thief in the night. I feel short-changed, but only myself to blame for not being watchful.
Can i blame it on my preoccupation with work, waking up everyday with fear of under performing and coming under criticism and scrutiny of bosses and colleagues? Well when other people's health and even lives are at stake, taking it easy might be costly. Still, at what expanse should i push myself and live in fear everyday, watching my daughter's infancy pass me by?
Nana with Tiger, Jabberwocke and Quek quek
One fine evening, Nana and papa at the playground.
Nana holding on strongly in the absence of mommy.
Whenever there's time i would bring Nana out for a ride, be it for dinner or to the shopping mall or to the park, by myself. Watching her playing alone, makes me feel awful, strongly believing that she deserves better. What with mum working in shifts at outstation 1 hour away and me working overtime everyday, I can't see any rainbow for Nana in this gloomy trialing time.
Thank God He sees our plight, and had everything drawn on the board beforehand. We could take comfort in the fact that Nana's babysitter is living just next door and what makes us breathe easier is she is a relative. Our aunty takes good care of Nana and puts her to bed with a bottle of milk in her mouth whenever we're not coming home. She even pats her butt too sleep.
The smile on Nana's face means a hundred words from an infant.
Lets go play other things like swing and slide~~
I would carry her to the playground behind, holding her close to my chest like she could "go rapture" anytime. God's way of dealing with me for not being a good enough father. She would be calm, watching her surroundings with keen inquisitiveness. Then i put her down on the grass as she walks in her new pair of shoes. Walking beside her makes my heart melt. She is the pure innocent extension of me. Who doesn't complaint, fret nor hate, just taking in both the best and worse I can offer.
Papa, why does everyone else has friends or mommies to play with?
This is the crucial time an infant requires as much abundant love as she can get. No amount of love is enough. At 11 months old, her whole being needs nothing else but love. She is a vessel that constantly needs to be refilled with love so that it may overflow. An infant without love would only know longingness, loneliness, and sadness. I try to wipe all those away from my Nana's face whenever her mum is not around. I would talk to her, share few thoughts and then play soft toys with her.
Papa, when is momma coming back{yawn*}?
Looks like tonight its just you and me again, papa.
Dear Jesus, I want to be obedient, smart and healthy. Amen.
Bedtime is a special moment. When i reminisce back, i remember how sweet those times are. Nana is in her clean white pajamas. She is comfortable and dry in her pampers. She is quiet cheerful, not sleepy yet but knows well its time for bed. Usually i start off with giving her some pep talk, telling her how naughty she is, adding further stress to her already edgy dad. Which is followed by a recap of my eventful day. It was a father-daughter bonding time with Nana having to bear the grunt of my yapping.
If people ask me where do i come from, i'll just show them this picture behind me.
Look at me, I'm the best of both world, momma's and papa's.
I then play with her, as she crawls and roll on the bed, and sits on chu chu (mum's squinty eyes pig). Somehow she's not a fan of soft toys, rather she prefers my company and entertainment. We play peekaboo, tickling and some wrestling. Gradually Nana becomes tired from the laughters, she starts rubbing her eyes and yawning.
That's the cue for daddy to tuck her to bed, with milk and good night kisses. As i hold her bottle and she drinks with her eyes closed, I sniff her hair. Smells like heaven, I can never get enough of her wonderful baby smell. Her skin is so fair and smooth, portraying innocence and an unblemished soul. I pat her back, 1 more kiss to her temple, say a little prayer for her, and she's off to the land of milk and honey.
Chu chu, tomorrow i'll be reunited with mummy! Cant wait!!
My beloved Queen and Princess of Hearts.
Nana looks wonderful in her 1st pair of shoes.
As mentioned earlier, mommy works in shifts. In other words, she either comes back afternoon, late night or next morning. I will be glad if mommy can put Nana to sleep, for they both miss each other very much. Its tiring just to be on the road for 2 1/2 hrs each day to and fro workplace. Not to mention dangerous due to the accident prone mountainous road she has to pass by each time. Worsened by the fact she's carrying Nana's little sibling in-utero.
One weekend when mommy was not working, we went to the lake park a stone throw away. It has beautiful scenery and is kept away from the dusty traffic. We would put on Nana's comfy shoe and hold her hands as she waddle like a duckling. When she becomes tired i will carry her and show her the lush greenish environment surrounding the lake filled with fishes and tortoise. The feeling of spending time with my wife and child..priceless.
Taking a breather, sniffing the fresh air, soaking up the serenity, enjoying each others company.
Ice cream has always been our family's all time favorite.
The time Nana dread the most is when momma has night shift and has to leave for work. Sensing that mom is getting ready to leave, Nana's mood swings like a pendulum. Nana will stick closer to her and can't bear to have momma out of her sight. It begins with teary eyes and crankiness, so papa has to try save the day by distracting her. When Nana suddenly realized momma is gone, she burst into inconsolable crying that papa has difficulty pacifying the damsel in distress.
Papa will carry Nana close to his chest, pat her back, talk to her, sing to her, amuse her with toy or music. Eventually after the storm has calmed, Nana will be all sweaty and spent. After changing her, papa will pull out a book to show her pictures, or on Naruto and watch together, whichever that works.
I don't like mommy leaving~ Why does she have to leave every time~~
Woo~woo~, what should i do papa?
Even at such tender age, Nana is forced to learn quickly various coping skills.
Papa: It will never always be dark and gloomy, Nana. Night has to give way to day and storm has to give way to calm.
I supposed the perks of working shift is that momma gets the next day off after completing her graveyard shift. After resting awhile, Nana will be brought back from next door earlier than usual. Momma still cooks dinner so once a week she will shop for groceries and fresh produce with Nana. Otherwise she's taking it easy with our 2nd one arriving in May.
I'm not kidding when i say she looks like she's expecting soon even at 5 months. Antenatal scan shows normal baby parameters and amniotic fluid index. She's still enthusiastic and committed in her work even after alarm bell was ringing at 11 weeks for threatened miscarriage. She was given 10 days medical certificate and that was how we found out God has provided..again.
Nana is up to her mischief again. Tell tale sign: Her smacking her tongue.
Christiana likes digging bags and ransacking mummy's wallet. She pulls out the cards.
The princess riding on her stallion. Giddyap!!
On her off days, Nana will keep momma company. She's alway an angel when momma's around, in stark contrast with the cranky hard-to-please child at the baby sitter next door. She becomes mommy's darling cutie pie that follows momma around doing house chores or homework. When papa comes back, its added play time bonus while momma prepares dinner. From time to time, i will bring Nana into the kitchen to check on mommy lest Nana suspects she's making a run for work again. Ultimately, Nana still prefers her mother than me.
NOooo~~, don't take mommy away~~
The angels become Nana on the morning she wakes up to find mommy just returned from work.
Aawww~, everybody loves a happy ending.
Of the limited toys Nana has, most of them are passed on. Either from my aunts or mummy's old toys (can u believe it?). We got some musical toys eg. keyboard and nursery rhymes from Tesco, since its pivotal at this age for visual and auditory stimulation for brain function development, apart from the omega micro-nutrient we pumped in through her milk.
Nana loves the musical toys and even dances to the tunes, which turns out as a fun lively spectacle for us every time. Then papa decides to share the limelight on the dance floor by joining in, and looks goofy in the process. Nana will bent her knees, shake her body and turn a circle as we cheer her on for more, finally applauding her joyfully for dancing her way into our hearts.
Papa, won't you come and dance with me?
The birth of a new superstar super-athlete.
Yay!!~~ well done Nana. {Clap* clap*}
Some weekends we would head back to the in laws for family obligation. This time we decided to take Nana on her 1st time "choo-choo train" ride to Subang. Since we departed from a terminal station early one Saturday morning, we had plenty of seats to choose from. Nana looks out curiously from the window at the passing scenery. Nearing our destination, she had to endure 1/2 hr of air-con malfunction in a crampy couch. Talk about Malaysian public transport...
Sometimes uncle Chi Voon drops by and honor us with a rare visit. We would go out for a meal and catch up a little, while Nana gets to know her paternal uncle a little more. Uncle Chi Voon recently graduated as an aviation pilot to our family's pride. Like me, his hands will be placed with many people's life, although, the magnitude of his responsibility is even bigger.
Christiana's 1st train ride.
Nana seem starstruck by uncle Chi Voon's super stardom.
6 feet tall and good looking, Nana finds herself wrapped in the macho biceps of uncle Chi Voon.
How thoughtful of uncle to leave Nana with Big Apple donuts. After biting some, Nana became "hyperglycemic", which resulted in being extra active and vocal from the sugar rush. With nearly all her teeth erupting, we can now allow her to savor the taste of the same food we eat.
Every time when there's family function or once a while friends come over for dinner, Nana will waddle around our dining table just to participate in the crowd. To her delight, everyone will feed her/stuff food into her mouth. Nana chews and swallow, then continue moving around us for further food sampling. Without any stranger anxiety, Nana socializes and smiles to friends and families. Her warmth and adorable demeanor easily makes her our Princess of Hearts. .
Hee..hee..hee (Sugar rush from Big Apple Donuts.)
Nana sweating it out her high glycemic index.
I'm the elite Shinobi trained in the arts of knife..and fork.
Unsurprisingly, Christiana always prefers mama over papa at any given time. Nana now follows momma around the house doing chores and cooking. She observes, learn stuffs and try to be helpful. Case in point, Nana picks things up from the floor and show it to momma to see her reaction. When she does that, momma reciprocate by explaining stuff to her and complimenting her as being a clever girl.
Ironically, to witness the pace my Christiana is growing, i am desperately trying to catch up. When i hug her at the end of the day, how i wish she never grows big. Foolish and selfish for me to insist she will forever stay the same, a lovely doll nice to cuddle, an innocent sweetheart who will never grow old to break my heart.
Nothing takes precedence over Nana anymore. I'm more down to earth with my hopes and dreams. Which is now to build and secure the best future for her. There is no higher calling for a man than to sacrifice and provide for his family. I foresee many turbulence along the way, but let come what may, my 1st born child and daughter will always remain my Princess of Hearts.
Mommy's little helper and faithful follower.
Mummy, i'm sweating now...Where's my Big Apple Donuts?
NEXT, 365 DAYS LATER.....
