Going Back 2 Work

(3 months old)
3rd May: I started work today, continued pediatric posting, picking up from where i left it. Sending Nana over to my aunty aka baby sitter was easier than i thought( i have been hearing stories from other mothers who cried or feel very sad when they had to go back to work and was preparing myself for the worst). I think probably i was more nervous about working again as my brain felt empty and rusty after 3 months of not using it..;-P

Nana woke up at about 6.40 am just in time for me to feed her. I then sent her over to my aunty's who happen to be my next door neighbor..Talk about convenient. Left for work at 6.55am and so my working day started. After leaving the department for so long, everything seems so new to me. But as there were a lot of us(housemen), things were pretty relax. Ivan purposely followed me to make sure that i got all 'settled' down.

Y i have to wake up so early 1 today?Zzzzz

It was during our never ending rounds when i started to wonder how baby was doing. I started to wonder if my aunty could handle her and if she would drink milk from the bottle (she has been refusing for the past 1 week). It was also at that time when I started to feel the pain from engorgement as i still have not managed to steal some time to express my breast milk (EBM). Finally after the rounds, i excused myself and went to EBM. I called my aunt to ask how Nana was doing and my heart broke when i could hear her crying a lot. It was busy that day and i couldn't find time to go home to feed Nana. All i could do was to steal more time to EBM and pray that Nana was ok.

Papa mama abandoned me..Tiger..just u to keep me company

After 10 grueling hours at work, it was finally time to go home. The moment i got out from the car, i could already hear Nana's cries. Taking a quick bath, i brought her home. I felt so happy to see her but at the same time felt so bad that i caused her so much misery. She even looked like she lost weight after that 1 day.

Now that mama is back from work, i'm so happy i can fly without wings

That night was the first time i didnt feel tired entertaining Nana. I savored every second spent with her and cherished every single coo and smile that she makes. I realized how much i missed her and how precious every single second was.

Woo..woo..mother's milk is medically proven better than formula milk~

Over the next few days, things became a bit more settled but Nana was still crying a lot and refusing to drink from the bottle. My aunty had to spoon feed her and eventually started feeding her with a syringe. It took nearly 2 weeks before Nana finally started to drink from the bottle. During this time, i would go home during lunch whenever i can to feed her.

I started having 'on calls' after 1 week of work. I still remember the first time, it was a Sunday. Ivan volunteered to take care of Nana. It was truly a challenge for all 3 of us; it was my first paediatric call; it was Ivan's first on call with Nana as Ivan has never single-handedly taken care of Nana without me being around and it was the first time Nana would be spending a 100% father-daughter time without mummy being in the picture. I would say that things went quite well and all 3 of us survived it..

Ivan, " Although we all survived, i couldn't recall that day without a sense of guilt. Nana was crying non-stop from the moment she opened her eyes and all i could think of was feed her. She totally rejected bottle feed eventhough it was mum's breast milk and i was forced to feed her through syringe and that was a real struggle. In the beginning, Nana refused to open her mouth let alone swallow..i nearly injured her lips and hard palate with the tip of the syringe. Only much later when hunger took over she forced herself to drink, that also with her hands trying to push away the syringe. Later i tasted the milk and discovered the milk felt a little weird..sour to an extent..but i had no idea how breast milk was supposed to taste like. It dawned on me that could be the reason all along Nana was rejecting the milk. Subsequently i fed her with another new bottle of EBM.

The 1st time Nana ever started sucking her thumb, it was papa's fault.

I thought after feeding her, my job was done and she would go to sleep..but she couldn't stop crying on the bed . It left me helpless and frustrated. Still i wasn't gonna throw in the towel and send Nana to the babysitter. Nana eventually cried herself to sleep and i caught up with my rest after a frustrating sunday morning. I was woken up by the sound of her sucking her thumb ( ?aggressively), an act she has never done before. This was my daughter trying to pacify herself when her father couldn't. 1 of the 1st sign of insecurity an infant would show..I was totally devastated and my guilt just piled up. What kind of father am i?  

My Nana's forgiving smile..the burst of sun-ray after the storm

I totally corrected my mistakes. i fed Nana with the new expressed breast milk albeit the struggling. I carried her close to my chest, pat her back and talked to her. I never wanted to leave her alone anymore that day. It saddened me so much whenever she sucked her thumb. Later in the evening after i wiped her body and dressed her up, Nana shine a smile at me. I broke down instantly and begged her for forgiveness; and promised not to loss my cool on her again . Despite being "neglected" earlier on, Nana would still smile at me, and chose not to hold anything against me. My daughter taught me that day an unforgettable lesson of forgiveness and child-like faith. I still feel guilty whenever i recall our experience but that has since spurred me to love my Nana more and more each day".

Papa found it amusing to dress me up like Teletubbies

15th of May: the first weekend when Ivan and i were both free. We decided to make it a 100% family weekend and we made sure that no other plans would get in the way of us spending time with Nana. On that day, Nana was introduced to a new dimension in this world.. The " Water World". It was the day when we brought Nana to swim. I know..by now u guys must be thinking what kind of parents are these?? Their baby's only turning 4 months and they are already soaking her in chlorinated cold water. Well, Nana enjoyed every moment of it. She was happily kicking and floating in the pool (with me holding her of course).. Never seen her so excited before. It was truly indeed a very precious weekend for us and we made sure we spent every moment with Nana.

Ma mi, is it "pong pong" (bathing) time again? Y are we bathing outside? 

Applying sun protector 30 on Nana

Hold me tight tight Mami, i can't swim.

huff*~puff*~ See i swam so many laps today..

As the month progressed, i realize that we rarely have time for Nana and at 1 point we even felt that Nana has changed and does not recognize us anymore.. Everyday after i bring her home, she would just spend about 4 hours with us and then went to sleep. Time flew by whenever we were home.

Oh..paiseh..haha.i just finished some business and landed a big deal on my pampers..

22nd of May, we had our own mini belated mother's day( i was on call on the real day). We brought Nana to Sunway Pyramid. It was initially our intention to get Nana a car seat (see...even when it was suppose to be a belated mother's day celebration, Nana was still all we were focusing on..) but after entering a few shops, we realize that everything there was so expensive and we couldn't find an appropriate one for Nana so we decided to keep it on hold. Nana had a fun time listening to all the noise and looking at all the different people passing by her. We had dinner at 'Olive and Figs', a restaurant with Lebanese theme. There were a few variety of steaks and both of us ordered different ones but they tasted the same.

Don't i look more girly in pink top?

Happy mother's day to the world's best mum..my Ma mi

Ivan had a Ministry of health's sport event at the end of the month and he was busy with his training. He went for training every morning while i left for work. Nana would be sent to my aunty's. It felt like all 3 of us were just living our own individual lives.

Nana was developing well. Towards the end of May (4 months old), she was cooing more and smiling more. She was also able to hold toys more firmly in her hands and would reach out for toys that attracted her. Ivan and i teased her sometimes by making her sit up on the bed. Her back is quite straight but she was still wobbly and would cry in frustration once she becomes tired and wanted to be carried. Nana was able to turn over more often but is still quite lazy in doing so.. Maybe it's because she's 7.2kg by then and found herself a little bit too heavy to turn over...;-P

Nana attemping to pull off a seemingly impossible stun. 

This is what happen when babies grow up under the influence of WWE.
...Nana executing the "Stunner".

Somehow Nana's head got stuck in between the ring and her game plan backfired.

Viewers: Do not try this at home. Leave it to the professionals.

Time flies and before we realized it, Nana was already entering her 4th month. Time flies so fast, and Nana is becoming more and more a joy to behold. We celebrate every milestone Christiana achieved with excitement and encourage her to do more. Past mistakes we made has taught us to be wiser parents and more sensitive to our daughter's "patterns" and needs. Henceforth, we hope to provide the best of everything to Christiana and pray that God will continue to give us His wisdom and guidance in spurring Nana to a blessed growth and childhood.  

..Amen to that..and God bless ya all. Mmmuacks +-)

Coming up, Sukan KKM (Kementerian Kesihatan Malaysia) in Kuala Terengganu. And we all get to go on a mini holiday =). Stay tune...